Relative movement and behavior patterns of non-domesticated Harmons in natural habitat
Oliver Whitby and Nate Jones
Venture High School
Marriott Slaterville, Utah
ABSTRACT
Harmonicus Jarinus Hominidae Harmonus (also known as wild Harmons) are an endangered species indigenous to Venture High School. They attempt to use Gen Z humor to interact with their students, often with ineffective results. They are known for their overuse of memes, (which are often outdated by over five years) which they seem to find entertaining, much to the chagrin and annoyance of their colleagues and pupils. They are social animals, and are commonly seen interacting and speaking with other species, particularly Lenhartiuses, Huntaeisa, and Greenhalghi. Sometimes they are also known to interact with the species Venturae Studentas. They are creatures of Habit, and tend to keep the same job and classes for long periods of time. The Harmonus tends to consume whatever is being served for lunch, and eats both options instead of picking one, also consuming all available vegetables with its meal. It is possible that this is preparation for a winter hibernation period, or for later exertion in basketball games.
INTRODUCTION
The species Harmonicus Jarinus Hominidae Harmonus are a common site to many students and teachers at Venture high school, but before now, little was known about their behavior, as no official scientific literature addressed this topic. With this study, light has been shed onto the functioning of the Harmonicus, and its patterns, interests, and aversions have begun to be elucidated. For this study, 7 teachers and colleagues were surveyed, and the results recorded. The purpose of this study was not only to reveal the concrete behavior patterns and tendencies of the Harmonicus, but also to see what his compatriots and students thought of him.
Many studies have been conducted into other indigenous species of Utah high schools, including into Pauliae Greenhalghi (Amandersonovitch et al., 2017) and Ashlianus Casianus (Jawnating & Alecksandereis, 2020). However, the shocking lack of research of the Harmonicus prompted us to begin this paper, which we hope will be the first concrete step in exploring the true nature of the Harmonicus.
MATERIALS AND METHODS
Teacher Surveys
A representative sample of Venture teachers (n=7) were surveyed for this study. Teachers were asked to fill out a questionnaire consisting of 13 questions. Questions either asked for the teacher to rank the Harmonicus on some specified criteria, to describe a specific behavior of the Harmonicus, or to describe how they felt when engaging with him. All results were collected anonymously, as to shield the participants from fear of offending the Harmonicus with their responses. All participants were informed of the studies objective, and gave consent to have their results published.
Ethical Considerations
When writing the polls, surveys, and the paper, considerations were made to ensure that none of the sections would be grossly offensive, and that teachers would feel safe submitting their surveys. This study was peer reviewed to further achieve that result. Approval was received from the Venture board of ethics.
RESULTS
Walking Movement
During the student polling, one of the recurring themes was the walking movement of the Harmonicus. The Harmonicus walks in a swaying fashion, moving his arms in large, exaggerated motions. He also walks in abnormally long strides. It has been posited that the Harmonicus walks in this way for several reasons. Firsts, to assert dominance over students, and potentially other teachers. This walk seems to suggest a sense of impunity to the codes and social norms of high school, and may attempt to exert power over those in the area (Bobulous et al., 2013). Second, as a social ritual with other teachers. This way of moving may be an ill thought out attempt at attracting the attention of other faculty members. Third, this could be an attempt to scare off potential predators. The walk appears so unnatural that it may serve as a mechanism for confusing species that would like to prey on the Harmonicus, similar to the display of the hooded cobra, which rises up and uses its flaps of skin to make it appear bigger than it actually is when facing predation.
Freshman Degradation Syndrome (FDS)
The Harmonicus is well known for its disdain of incoming freshmen, and frequently engages in freshman bashing (the act of verbally tormenting and insulting freshman in his classes). Based on the data we have collected, we believe that this is a defense mechanism to deflect attention away from the Harmonicus’ own shortcomings and immaturity. The Harmonicus often attempts to make freshmen the target of public mockery, while escaping unscathed himself. This may have additional social utility with juniors and seniors who, eager to forget their troubled pasts, join in the ridicule of the defenseless new students.
Perception of Mr. Harmon as “Cringe”
Surprisingly, most teachers rated Mr. Harmon relatively high on humor, and few described him as cringe. However, we have reason to believe that these results are inaccurate, as Mr. Harmons humor and use of outdated memes are objectively cringe, so a confounding variable must have interfered with the study. It may be that teachers were leary to give their unfiltered opinion on the Harmonicus, fearing retribution. The Harmonicus is a vicious and unpredictable species, and teachers may not have wanted to risk its wrath.
Trust and Relationships With Other Faculty
The Harmonicus is known to interact with many different species, but it prefers to spend most of its time with Lenhartiuses, Huntaeisas, and Greenhalghi. These species tend to have similar eating patterns, thus allowing them more time to interact during the day. They can often be observed eating in either the Harmonicus’s or Greenhalghi’s classrooms. Attempts have been made to pick up on conversations between these different species, but attempts to bug or infiltrate the classroom have proved futile as of the date of publication. Harmonicuses also have occasional interactions with Huntaeisas during class time. These are erratic, and no valid modeling as to the patterns of these interactions has been completed. Another question we wanted to answer with this study was how the Harmonicus was situated inside the Venture high school teacher hierarchy, and how it asserted its dominance over other teachers. As has already been covered, its walking patterns may play a role. However, its humor may play a larger role in its search for social status. The Harmonicus is often observed telling corny jokes and making fun of “boomers'' in front of its students. It is unknown as of yet the purpose of this behavior, but we hope to continue our investigation into the subject.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
We would like to thank all the teachers involved in our surveys. They were a crucial element in our study, and provided very useful data and feedback. We are grateful to Paul Greenhalgh for proofreading our paper and helping us get published. Finally, we would like to extend our appreciation to the Society for the Preservation and Advancement of the Harmonica (SPAH) for helping to fund this scientific endeavor. Some funding was revoked after the realization that we intended to study the Harmonicus, and not start a school harmonica club. We do not admit to any charges or accusations of lying or being deceptive on grant applications.
LITERATURE CITED
Amandersonovitch, G. (2017). Greenhalghi: observations and physiology of the hermetic species. Utah High School Journal, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ1.
Jawnating, U. (2020). Inquiry into the psychoneuroimmunology of the Casianus. Utah High School Journal, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ1.
Lankerton, Z. (2009). Social networks and collegial behavior of wild Huntaeisa. Utah High School Journal, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ1.
Bobulous, V. (2013). Social hierarchies of Venture high school faculty. Utah High School Journal, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ1.
Tairdelbach, L. (2012). Case study of high school teachers suffering from end of semester sleep deprivation. Utah High School Journal, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ1.